Proverbs - Week 3 - Marriage
Leaders Note:
1) For this topic in particular, it is very noticeable that the original audience for the book of proverbs was young men. (The language is all around finding a wife, rather than finding a husband.) It would be worthwhile to flag this with the group ahead of time, and point out that even though the original audience was male, these proverbs still contain wisdom that is applicable to both men and women.
2) This is a sensitive topic, be mindful of those who may be struggling in their singleness or in their marriage, and flag that it would be good to discuss these things with sensitivity and an acknowledgement that ultimately marriage is a signpost to the reality of the gospel rather than the destination. Spend some time praying at the beginning for wisdom in how we talk to and encourage one another.
Pray to begin.
Opening Question:
In what ways do you see our culture promote an alternative story to “marriage is a blessing from the Lord”?
Read the following proverbs:
1. THE BLESSINGS OF MARRIAGE
Proverbs 18:22 –
“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.”
Proverbs 19:14 –
“House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.”
Proverbs 12:4 –
“An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.”
Proverbs 31:10–12
10 An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain. 12 She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.
Discuss
1. What do these Proverbs communicate about the value of marriage?
2. How might this correct cynicism or idealism about marriage?
3. These verses praise character (prudence, goodness, wisdom) as central to a good marriage. How is this different to how the world thinks about the important qualities of a spouse?
2. THE CHALLENGES OF MARRIAGE.
Proverbs 21:9 –
“It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.”
Proverbs 21:19 –
“It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.”
Proverbs 5:3-6, 15
For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey,
and her speech is smoother than oil,
4 but in the end she is bitter as wormwood,
sharp as a two-edged sword.
5 Her feet go down to death;
her steps follow the path to Sheol;
6 she does not ponder the path of life;
her ways wander, and she does not know it.
…
“Drink water from your own cistern,
flowing water from your own well.
16 Should your springs be scattered abroad,
streams of water in the streets?”
PROVERBS 5:18-19
18 Let your fountain be blessed,
and rejoice in the wife of your youth,
19 a lovely deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;
be intoxicated always in her love.
Discuss:
1. What do these proverbs point to as some of the pitfalls or challenges of marriage?
2. In these passages, delight and fidelety are Commanded rather than assumed. How does this realism help both prepare and guard marriages?
2. What are some ways we (as married couples, or as a church broadly) Can help guard against Infidelity and resentment in marriages?
THE GOSPEL AND MARRIAGE
Read Eph 5:25-33
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[b] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Discuss
1. How does the gospel add to our understanding of what a healthy marriage looks like?
2. How would it be destructive to view marriage as the thing that will ultimately ‘save you’ rather than being a sign that points to Jesus?
3. How does understanding Christ as the ultimate fulfilment of marriage guard us against making marriage an Idol?
APPLICATION QUESTIONS
Choose a few depending on what would be appropriate for your group (just men/ women, just marrieds/ singles or mixed).
For all of them: think practical (what is one thing you could do this week?)
1. How as a church can married people love, include and support those who are not married?
2. How as a church can those who are not married, love, include and support those who are married?
3. What are some practices that married people can take that cultivate a sense of delight and gratitude within a marriage?
4. What are some practices that single people could take to cultivate a sense of gratitude and contentment in singleness?
5. How can we support one another pursue holiness and fidelity regarding, sex outside of marriage, pornography, affairs (emotional / physical)
Pray